If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
