wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
