i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
