I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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