He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize