First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
