It's Friday. Sex?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Randomize
