I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
