corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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