He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
