saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
