is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Randomize
