These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
