I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
