I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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