I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize