Soap is not a condiment
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm just crazy horny about you
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
