What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
