Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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