yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
there's paper in my vomit.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
