I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
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How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
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That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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