I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
