I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
