A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You're like the curious george of whores
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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