dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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