I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Your tits are I can't wait for
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
