i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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