did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
