watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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