Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
