the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
