That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
