I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
