Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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