hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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