just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
