just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
