YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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