filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
