when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
