trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
