Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
