Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
