theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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