im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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