Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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