So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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