Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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