Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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