i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
