I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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