No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
