There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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