drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
