I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
i think my cat just said my name.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
