She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
