Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
