some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize