I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
