i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
