The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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