I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
