the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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