new low.... made out with someone while peeing
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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