Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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