and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
