all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
