If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
