Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
