I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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