it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
