Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
