told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
