**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
