After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
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I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
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He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.