God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You can't special order awesome
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset