Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly

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  (313): my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly http://tfl.nu/cj2d
  Replies (39) Good night (893) Bad night (10187)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am

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  (757): if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am http://tfl.nu/cj17
  Replies (24) Good night (4016) Bad night (547)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.

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  (402): P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide. http://tfl.nu/s8ub
  Replies (5) Good night (3741) Bad night (498)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Want any specific kind of beer?

  (623): View more from Arizona

  Yeah. Alcohol flavor.

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Got it. Anything but Miller.

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  (701): Want any specific kind of beer? (623): Yeah. Alcohol flavor. (701): Got it. Anything but Miller. http://tfl.nu/wg65
  Replies (39) Good night (7105) Bad night (845)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.

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  (314): he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it. http://tfl.nu/pdii
  Replies (9) Good night (816) Bad night (4595)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.

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  (630): If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus. http://tfl.nu/iii0
  Replies (15) Good night (1451) Bad night (5264)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.

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  (203): his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material. http://tfl.nu/ws01
  Replies (13) Good night (4370) Bad night (1178)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.

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  (414): My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with. http://tfl.nu/07fq
  Replies (158) Good night (2525) Bad night (12464)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid

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  (443): He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid http://tfl.nu/u0xl
  Replies (18) Good night (3243) Bad night (1074)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.

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  (613): You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best. http://tfl.nu/snhs
  Replies (5) Good night (2709) Bad night (1646)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.

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  (305): Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin. http://tfl.nu/eiwf
  Replies (12) Good night (1025) Bad night (1337)
• Favorite

  (432): View more from Texas

  This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.

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  (432): This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire. http://tfl.nu/8ui6
  Replies (10) Good night (2154) Bad night (1088)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.

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  (419): Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test. http://tfl.nu/jxmi
  Replies (9) Good night (638) Bad night (2185)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.

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  (505): Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit. http://tfl.nu/8do4
  Replies (5) Good night (869) Bad night (385)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.

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  (270): Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. http://tfl.nu/l82s
  Replies (4) Good night (1035) Bad night (381)

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