i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
