So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
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He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.