just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
