She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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