we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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