I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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