I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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