Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
someone threw a dead crab at me
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
