Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
