The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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