her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
