the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize