If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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